Empowerment Project--Break Through

Today's poem comes from Fenna, and its about something very close to my heart.

Break Through

I really want to

I'm not that private

But it feels wrong to

Say it all out loud

From the inside

I scream out the words

From the outside

I keep being silent

From the inside

I scream out the words

From the outside

I keep being silent

Look into my eyes

I want you to break through

Hear my silent cries

Make me talk to you

From the inside

I scream out the words

From the outside

I keep being silent

From the inside

I scream out the words

From the outside

I keep being silent

I can only be free

If I can freely say

I

Was

Raped

Those last three words are about the hardest for any rape survivor to say and I'm proud and inspired by Fenna for sharing the reality of the struggle.  Even now, I hesitate slightly before mentioning the title of my book,  "Rape Girl" to anyone.  It's gotten easier, and will continue to do so.  Practice makes perfect and the word "rape" has lost most of its shaming grip upon me, and become what it should be: merely a label for the thing that happened to me, and to Fenna, and many of you. Its time for light to shine upon both the word and the experience of rape. If we all shout it together we can effect change. 

Thank you so much for sharing your poem with us, Fenna!

Stung, by the New York Times

If eleven bee-stings make me vibrate, I'm not sure how to describe my reaction to the sting of this article by James C. McKinley Jr.  I'm pulsing.  Every nerve is tingling.  I imagine it's how one might feel before lifting a car to save a life--then smashing it on the head of another who deserves it.

The first line of the query I wrote for my novel said: "Sometimes it's when you do 'Speak' your troubles start." I imagine that eleven-year-old survivor understands this better than anyone, right now.  If you've read my bio you know that I speak from experience when I say I can't even begin to imagine that girl's agony.  I was raped by one person.  There was no weapon, no circulating video to extend the trauma--and yet, to this day it impacts my life.

Eighteen men raped this eleven-year-old.  EIGHTEEN! It was a joke to them--and to her school-mates, apparently. Her rapists didn't feel remorse. None of them were "living with it" as one commenter seemed so concerned they would.  It was all fun and games to them until their hands were slapped--with cuffs.

Before that they were all there to witness the aftermath. She saw the looks, heard the jokes--knew what they meant and suffered from them.  And when a hero finally went to the authorities on her behalf it still only dropped another bomb into her life.  It opened her up to the judgement of bozos everywhere.  Bozos like James C. McKinley Jr.

There is not one single thing that girl could have done, said, or worn that could have invited that treatment, but she'll still feel blamed.  She will, in fact, be blamed by some:

Why was she even there?-----Why is anyone anywhere?


Why did she accept that ride?-----Accepting a ride is just accepting a ride, not asking to be raped.

Why didn't she go straight to the police?----Is it apparent to no one that there is no "healthy" or "right" choice a survivor can make when it comes to reporting a rape?  Either decision, to tell or not, causes varying degrees of destruction in a survivor's life. That's the nature of rape in our society and it's unconscionable.

I hope that young girl is in a good place right now with supportive people around her. If I could I'd take everything I've learned as a survivor and give it to her--wrapped in silk with a fancy bow and a hug.  I wish I could help her see the great future she's capable of having.  I hope she's safe.  I'll be thinking of her.

I feel pretty helpless right now, but I did do one thing--I signed this petition. Please do the same.