Empowerment Project--A Call to Action

When I heard about the It Gets Better Project years ago, my first thought was: there should be something like this for rape survivors.  I even sent the group a message saying as much, but I imagine they have their hands very full doing the worthy work they're doing.

When I started my Empowerment Project I was hoping, in my own small way, to fill the void I'd noticed there. I wanted to provide a positive place to help survivors (of any sort of trauma) feel less alone, and a place for them to share their voices.  Still, in the back of my mind I thought there should be a project, with a specific, positive message like "It Gets Better" for rape and abuse survivors. And now, there is one. It's called the "Not At Fault Project".

They only started a few days ago and are trying their hardest to get it off the ground. But, friends, they have their work cut out for them. I know from personal experience that announcing you are a rape survivor holds the same sort of stigma and shame that announcing you're homosexual is known for. Maybe even more so, these days.

The tide, thankfully, is slowly turning for LGBT teens. The number of vocal supporters are growing, exactly as they should be. There are videos by the straightest of straight people on the "It Gets Better" youtube channel, offering support.  Most of us know what it feels like to be treated "less than" and we're capable of showing empathy even without firsthand experience.  THAT is the sort of support rape survivors need as well.

The following quote is from the brilliant TedTalk, "Listening to Shame"

Empathy is the key. Nothing more.

Please help promote this new project and do your part to douse the shame associated with being a rape-survivor. Survivors need champions too.

Submit a few words of support, a video, a kind note to the NAF project. If you're a survivor share a success story, a milestone, a happy moment you once thought would be impossible. I know I plan to. If you're not a survivor, reach out with empathy, anyway.  Take a video of yourself using some variation of this simple script if you'd like:

It was NOT your fault.  I won't judge you. I'm here to listen. I'm here to help. 

So simple. So powerful.

You guys, the statistics are staggering. 1  of every 4 girls will be raped in their lifetime and 1 of every 6 boys. Think about that for a moment, consider the magnitude

These survivors need you. They need kind words and support to come out of their own dark closets.  They need to realize, when they feel most alone, that there are people out there who care, and that they are capable and worthy of a bright and happy future.

Please don't wait to add your voice. This is way too important and entirely overdue.

Empowerment Project--Love Your Body

Today's entry is from a friend who prefers to be called "Penguin".  Penguin has a blog where she posts amazing artwork as part of her therapy process. There are some lovely pieces over there so be sure to check it out!  Here are a few of my empowering favorites:

Love Your Body

Hope

Free

I love each of these messages, and find the first particularly compelling. So often trauma and eating disorders walk hand-in-hand and the list of services food fuels our bodies to provide are a brilliant reminder to anyone struggling with that beast.  All three images are beautiful and inspiring, aren't they?  Big hugs and thanks, Penguin, for letting me share your amazing artwork!

Note to a Survivor

This is a note I wrote in response to a lovely young girl who reached out to me.  I wanted to share it here because it is a perspective it took me a long time to gain and maybe it can put others on the fast track to a similar conclusion.  Maybe it will offer someone hope.


Dear----

I'm so sorry. :(  It must be so much more difficult when the person who hurt you is a member of your own family. It is indeed wrong for people to tell you to forget--you will never forget. But I promise you, things will get better for you. Growing up is insanely hard, especially when you've been abused, but these things you've gone through will shape you into a stronger woman if you let them. You will always feel loss for the childhood experiences you absolutely *should* have had when you were young, but please don't believe that childhood, or those experiences you crave, are lost to you. Some of the best adults--and the best writers--are the ones who try to regain that sense of wonder and fun and allow their adult selves to enjoy childlike things. Age is so relative. You will never truly feel older even as you grow up and have a family of your own (if you should choose to). We're all the same age, really, it's all about choices we make. You have new choices coming every day. Try to make good ones, but don't be afraid to mess up either. Be thoughtful. Write. And every day will take you further from the pain of the things you've experienced and closer to the day where the rest of your future will be entirely up to you. When you can choose whether to ever see your abuser again. I promise you the choices are all yours. Own them and do your best.

And whenever you feel the urge, please send me a note and we can turn somersaults together. :) Your childhood is coming, my dear!

Much love to you,

Stung, by the New York Times

If eleven bee-stings make me vibrate, I'm not sure how to describe my reaction to the sting of this article by James C. McKinley Jr.  I'm pulsing.  Every nerve is tingling.  I imagine it's how one might feel before lifting a car to save a life--then smashing it on the head of another who deserves it.

The first line of the query I wrote for my novel said: "Sometimes it's when you do 'Speak' your troubles start." I imagine that eleven-year-old survivor understands this better than anyone, right now.  If you've read my bio you know that I speak from experience when I say I can't even begin to imagine that girl's agony.  I was raped by one person.  There was no weapon, no circulating video to extend the trauma--and yet, to this day it impacts my life.

Eighteen men raped this eleven-year-old.  EIGHTEEN! It was a joke to them--and to her school-mates, apparently. Her rapists didn't feel remorse. None of them were "living with it" as one commenter seemed so concerned they would.  It was all fun and games to them until their hands were slapped--with cuffs.

Before that they were all there to witness the aftermath. She saw the looks, heard the jokes--knew what they meant and suffered from them.  And when a hero finally went to the authorities on her behalf it still only dropped another bomb into her life.  It opened her up to the judgement of bozos everywhere.  Bozos like James C. McKinley Jr.

There is not one single thing that girl could have done, said, or worn that could have invited that treatment, but she'll still feel blamed.  She will, in fact, be blamed by some:

Why was she even there?-----Why is anyone anywhere?


Why did she accept that ride?-----Accepting a ride is just accepting a ride, not asking to be raped.

Why didn't she go straight to the police?----Is it apparent to no one that there is no "healthy" or "right" choice a survivor can make when it comes to reporting a rape?  Either decision, to tell or not, causes varying degrees of destruction in a survivor's life. That's the nature of rape in our society and it's unconscionable.

I hope that young girl is in a good place right now with supportive people around her. If I could I'd take everything I've learned as a survivor and give it to her--wrapped in silk with a fancy bow and a hug.  I wish I could help her see the great future she's capable of having.  I hope she's safe.  I'll be thinking of her.

I feel pretty helpless right now, but I did do one thing--I signed this petition. Please do the same.